Why Telling Yourself You Love Your Body Isn’t Working…and What Will

 
bodymovement.JPG
 

Have you tried telling yourself you love your body?

Are you wondering why it’s not working?

It’s not working because loving your body isn’t your problem.

Your problem is…..

Your self-worth is on your body.

Before you click away, hear me out for a second….

First of all, there is no judgement when I say you have your worth on your body-because this is what you’ve been taught to do.

You’ve been taught, that unless you look like the very narrow (and often digitally created AKA fake) American beauty standard, you aren’t good enough….you aren’t worthy.

And trust me, I know because I have been there! Boy, have I been there. I have went to the ends of the earth trying to “love” my body, “fix” my body, or whatever you want to call it.

But, really, I just wanted to be happy.

I wanted to be able to live in my body every day and love myself and my life.

And I am finally here. But, I guarantee you, I didn’t get here from telling myself I love my body.

In a very over simplified nutshell, I got here from realizing…

I AM NOT my body and I AM NOT an ornament for other people to look at.

My worthiness and what I bring to the world has nothing to do with my appearance.

***This doesn’t mean I don’t care about my appearance, or that I don’t take pride in my appearance. It just means I know that I AM NOT my appearance.

And that if I decide to make an appearance change, I know it’s because I WANT TO DO IT…not because our culture is telling me that it’s something I NEED to do to be worthy.

My worthiness and my appearance are no longer linked.

Telling Yourself You Love Body Isn’t Bad

Unless it becomes a distraction from you dealing with the actual issue….where you have your worthiness-which is usually what happens.

Or

If its making you think that you have to actively love your body to be happy.

Because you don’t.

You just have to respect it and stop hating on the parts you’ve been taught to think are “flaws.”

I know this might sound crazy, but you can have stretch marks, saggy skin, and more fat than what our culture considers “ideal” and still be happy.

The trick is to stop attaching negative emotion to those things.

Stop attaching emotion to them at all.

The two of you can co-exist in peace if you just acknowledge they’re there, don’t negatively react to them, and move on with your day.

In the same sense that you can work in an office with someone you don’t like and not hate your life.

Because she is not you, you are not her, and you have control in how you react to a situation.

Remember, you ARE NOT your stretch marks, saggy skin, or fat. And they are not you. 

They might be along for your ride, but they ARE NOT WHO YOU ARE. And they only become negative when you feed them with negative emotion.  

this doesn’t mean that you can’t desire to change certain things about your body.

If you CAN change them and are willing to do the necessary work, then fine.

****But, understand, you don’t want this coming from a place of hate or unworthiness. Because you can’t hate yourself into happiness and loving yourself.

Been there, done that. Doesn’t work. Save yourself the misery.

But, if it’s something you can’t change, there’s a lot of power in learning to accept what is, and love yourself as a whole being regardless.

***Loving yourself as a whole being is something you want to do anyways even if you do want to make a change.

Taking Your Worthiness Off of Your Body Is a Big Part of Becoming Fit AND Happy

To experience the freedom of being fit AND happy, you have to stop obsessing over your body.

And to do this, you have to take your worthiness off of it.

Teaching women how to take their self-worth off their bodies might be my most favorite thing I do at Brainy Betties. Since I have experienced this first hand (and very extremely might I add), I understand how much of an impact this has on a woman’s WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.  

***This is the MAIN reason I created Brainy Betties and why I named it what I did. Because the way you feel about yourself (your MINDSET around yourself) is what drives your actions with your food, exercise and life.

You can read more about that in the blog series: Why We Were Created

Taking your self-worth off of your body is a combination of:

  • Learning how to deal with cultural shame

  • Learning who your authentic self really is (where your worthiness should be)

  • Learning how to develop a better body image as a whole.

Doing these things sets the stage for your dream life.

Wherever being fit AND happy might bring you.

What Does Being Fit AND Happy Feel Like?

Freedom.

Freedom from obsessing about your body, food, and exercise.

It’s a state of caring for yourself and your body that is surrounded in self-love. Not constantly trying to hate yourself into change.

It’s having the fitness level you want while actually loving the life you’re living (Because it’s driven by self-love AND science.)

This combination of self-love and science takes your life to the next level.

A level of life you might not know exists, but it’s patiently waiting for you to live it.  

Be fit AND Happy!

~Ashley

Do You Want to Take Your Worthiness Off Your Body So You Can Be Fit AND Happy?

 

Learning to Love Yourself is the Most Self-Less Thing You Can Do

 
Ashley043016FINAL-10.jpg
 

Do you feel that loving yourself is selfish?

Well, this should help…

In the end, loving yourself isn’t about you. It’s about what you can bring to others-to humanity.

When you get to the point of loving yourself, you’ve overcome the self-limiting bullshit stories in your head. This allows you to really do what you’re here to do.

It’s amazing…we’re in a country where we are physically free. But, remain in a prison of “I’m not enough” in our own heads.

Shame researcher and PhD social worker Brene Brown says,

“Be willing to let go of who you think you should be, in order to become who you are.”

Women in our country are so held back by so many self-limiting stories they’ve been fed their entire existence. And NONE of them are true. We just choose to entertain them in our heads and make them our reality.

You ARE enough.

And if you want to live your life to its greatest potential, you will need to come to terms with this.

Stop Mom Shaming Yourself and Others

You are NOT less of a mom if you have a fulltime job. Nor are you less of a contributor to society if you stay at home or don’t have any kids at all. You are right where you need to be, doing what you need to do for the world.

Unless, you’re feeling called to do one over the other and aren’t listening to it because of what other people might think. If this is the case, you aren’t being true to yourself…. listen to that shit.

*Note: If you want to be a mom so badly and are having troubles, this is of course not what I’m talking about here. Just know you ARE whole as you are, and seen as well. Much love and luck to you.

And if you find yourself shaming other mom’s, look at your own life. There’s a reason you feel the need to call her out, there’s something inside yourself or your own life that you’re not happy with.

No happy, fully content person goes around trying to hurt others or tear others down-they build others up.

Look at yourself first.

Stop Listening to the Message, “You ARE Your Body” “You ARE Your Appearance”

Unless you are actively doing work to combat this message, it will get ahold of you. It’s everywhere. Being driven down women’s throats constantly.

The two biggest things to remember here are these:

1. You Have a Choice

You have the choice to determine how closely you want to be aligned with our culture. How important appearances actually are to you.

But, the problem comes in when we have our WORTH on our bodies or our appearance. Because as long as we have our worth on our bodies or our appearance, it’s impossible for US to actually make the decision of what we want-it will be culture making it for us.

This leads me to my next point…

2. You Are Body, Mind, AND Soul

In order for you to take your worth off of your body, you have to figure out where it actually should be.

And this requires the hard work of: 1. Figuring out WHO you are, 2. Accepting those things, and 3. Loving and living those things out.

By doing this you also bring balance back to who you are as a compete being. When so much of our focus is on our body, our existence becomes out of balance-leading to unhappiness.

There’s a big difference between wanting to get fit because you want to optimize your existence and doing it because you think you need to be fixed.

You DO NOT need to be fixed.

Stop letting the media tell you WHO you are and where your worth should be.

Mom shame and having our worth on our appearance and bodies are just 2 ways of MANY that women are shamed in our culture.

Start paying attention to how you feel shamed (or less than worthy) in your life. Instead of giving in to those thoughts and agreeing with them, investigate them, challenge them, dismantle them.

See them for what they really are...ways to try and get you to conform. Whether that be to culture or to other people in your life.

By you living in a way that isn’t really you, is conforming. And when you are conforming, you aren’t honoring, respecting, or loving yourself. And when you’re not loving yourself, the world isn’t getting what it needs out of your existence.

This is why learning to love yourself is the most self-less thing you can do.

Be Fit AND Happy!

~Ashley

"When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible." - Brene Brown

Part of being Fit AND Happy is becoming our Authentic selves.

As long as we have our worth on our body or appearance, it doesn’t matter how fit we become, we will never be happy.

To learn more about Brainy Betties and how you can become Fit AND Happy click here

How Self-Care Makes You Feel Better About Your Body

Hate your body?

Well, care for it.

And I don’t necessarily mean something that’s going to change it, I mean just care for it for the sake of caring for it.

Showing love in any kind of relationship nurtures the connection between you and the other.

It’s like having your significant other buy you flowers for no reason-other than that they love you.

Physically, emotionally, and spiritually showing your body love (even if you don’t feel like it!) will help you create a better relationship with your body.

Needs to be Done on A Regular Basis

And this is something that has be done on some kind of regular basis for you to continue feeling the effects. You wouldn’t expect your significant other to buy you flowers once and then never show you love in any other way ever again.

Would you?

This is why self-care is a practice. For you to be your best self, it’s something that needs to be done and practiced regularly.

*Especially since we live in a society that many times makes women feel poorly about their bodies and themselves. It’s our JOB to counteract these messages by actively caring for ourselves.

A Combination of the Three

Doing a combination of the 3 (physical, emotional, and spiritual care) would be the best. Because guess what?! You are body, mind, and spirit. They all work together and feed off of each other to make you a balanced and well-rounded being.

And it’s hard for your mind and your soul to be balanced when you continuously show so much hate towards your body.

Look at it this way:

Say you have a family of three children.

You want all three children to love each other and live in harmony (as much as realistically possible :)

But, you actively love one of them, ignore another one, and then are regularly mean to the other one. How harmonious do you think their lives are going to be amongst each other?

It’s the same thing with your being (body, mind, and soul.) Many times in our modern society, women will have some kind of spiritual connection, ignore their mental health, and actively hate on their body…and then wonder why they’re not happy.

Well, the imbalance and lack of overall self-care is why.

***And because we may have our worthiness in the wrong place. You can read about that in the blog: Why Telling Yourself You Love Your Body Isn't Working...And What Will

The Point

If you start actively showing your body love (just for the sake of respecting it!), this will not only help you feel better about your body, but it will be a start to bringing you back into overall balance.

An Example of Caring for All Three

Say you took a bath. And during that bath you meditated and said some nice things to yourself. These nice things don't have to be appearance related. They can be, but definitely don't have to be. 

This would be a combination of physical care (the bath), emotional care (the nice thoughts), and spiritual care (the meditation.)

And you’re doing this for no other reason than just showing yourself some love.

We Don’t ALWAYS Need to Be Changing Something

Just the act of caring for yourself with no pressure to try and change is powerful in itself.

Give it a try.

Be Fit AND Happy,

~Ashley

Want your body hate to stop stealing so much quality from your life? 

click here!

Why Loving Yourself Doesn't Make You Lazy-It Makes You Awesome

 

Video Summary. Full Blog Below.

 

Are you afraid that loving and accepting yourself will make you lazy?

Are you afraid this will cause your fitness level to go backwards?

Well, actually it has the opposite effect. It makes you care more, for the right reasons, and in a much healthier way.

It makes your life fuller and less stressful.

What does loving yourself mean?

Taking Your Worth Off Superficial Things

It partially means, taking your self-worth off superficial (surface) things. Surface things that don’t matter in the grand scheme/purpose of your life. Like appearance.

Being obsessed with these surface things distracts you from living your life to the absolute fullest.

There’s a Difference Between Caring About Your Appearance and Being Obsessed with It

This doesn’t mean that you won’t care about your appearance-our culture will still have an influence on you. It just means that when your WORTH isn’t on your appearance, YOU can actually make the CHOICE as to what really matters to YOU. What YOU actually like or how YOU want to live.

Not making subconscious decisions based on how you’ve been programmed to think by our culture.

 
 

Focus On Why You’re Here

The other part of loving yourself is seeing your worth as a unique human being and what you bring to the world. Seeing that you’re worthy because you have a job to do here. A job that no one else can do quite like you.

Obsessing over surface things distracts you from living from this ultimate place.

Our culture imposes a lot of ideas of what we “should” be. But, they’re all distractions in the big scheme of your life.

How Does This Change Your Relationship With Exercise?

You Come from a Healthier Place

When you love yourself for YOU, and take your worth off of your body, you will want to TAKE CARE of yourself. Exercise will become an act of self-care, not punishment for not being “good enough.”

And since it’s changed to self-care, it’s much more enjoyable.

You Are Now Able to Do Exercise that You Like

You may also at this point have the courage to try different forms of exercise that you actually like (if you don’t like your current exercise and it feels like torture.)

And this doesn’t mean getting lazy with exercise, there’s a difference between a good workout where you pushed hard and felt great, and one where you annihilated yourself because you’re trying to hate yourself into change.

How Does It Change Your Relationship with Your Food?

Takes Away Your Fear with Food

When your self-worth is on your body, this can create a torturous relationship with food. Since food choice can influence the look of your body, your food choices indirectly affect your self-worth.

When you take your self-worth off your body, you are able to develop a better relationship with food. It will no longer control you because your choices don’t affect your worth as a human being.

The fear diminishes. And you’re now able to look at food objectively. Food becomes what it actually is-just food.

 
Go back and think of yourself as a you did as a child-before the world started making you think weren't good enough. 

Go back and think of yourself as a you did as a child-before the world started making you think weren't good enough. 

 

How does this change your life as a whole?

I can’t get into all the life reasons in this little tiny post. But, loving yourself and changing how you show up in your own life changes absolutely everything. When you finally love yourself, you are no longer scared to be who you are and do what you need to do with your life.

Everyone is here for a reason. And women having their worth in all the wrong places distracts them from doing what they’re supposed to do here and who they’re supposed to help in their life.

Escape Your Prison of Unworthiness

I say this all the time, but having your worthiness on your body (or anywhere else that it’s not supposed to be) is like living in a prison in your own head. And if you’re going through this, you know exactly what I mean.

Free yourself from this bullshit and live your fullest life.

Do what you’re meant to do here.

Think Fresh and Live Your Fittest and Fullest Life,

~Ashley

 

THANKS FOR READING!

If you think this could help someone you know, please share!!!

AND

 If you would like to receive fresh thoughts for living your fittest and fullest life, don't forget to sign up for the fresh thoughts newsletter below!

For the love of god, get in the picture!

 

*Video summary. Full written blog below.

 

Do you dislike being in pictures?

Do you dislike having your “flaws” permanently displayed in a picture?

But, do you also feel that knot in the pit in your stomach when you step out? Like it’s telling you you’re jumping out of something important?

Why It Hurts

you’re jumping out of your own life

It’s a brief second, but there’s a lot of these brief seconds in your life, right? These are seconds you’re missing out on with those you love.

This is why it feels like you’re escaping one kind of pain, but gaining another.

You're Reinforcing Your Negative Body Image and Hurting Loved Ones

Not only does stepping out of the picture reinforce your negative relationship with your body and yourself (because behaviors reinforce thoughts), but it also makes other’s miss out as well.

The people who love you WANT to see you in pictures. They WANT you to be with them and share in these special moments.

They WANT to be able to look back at those moments and see you with them.

Why You Feel This Way

Your Self-Worth is On Your Body

You want to step out of pictures because our culture has taught you to put your self-worth on your body. You have accepted your worth as a person is either partially or wholly determined by how your body looks.

You have been taught that you ARE your body.

You have accepted this as your truth.

But!!! This is only your current truth because you are CHOOSING it to be.

Because the ACTUAL truth is our culture’s expectations are made up, and you are way more than your body.

And you have a choice…

 
Ashley043016FINAL-11.jpg
 

How to Start Rocking Some Photos!

If you want to be in pictures confidently with your loved ones, you need to practice staying in the picture, start viewing yourself as a whole person, and figure out where your value actually is. 

Stay in the Picture

Even though staying in the picture will be hard at first, you want to help reinforce the action you want to take, and be comfortable with in the future.

The more you do this, and work on the things below, the easier it will become. 

View Yourself As a Whole Person

Your body is your vehicle. It’s not who you are as a whole being.

As a whole being, you’re made up of your body, mind, and soul. We start experiencing pain when we forget the other two and put all our worth on our body.

Start figuring out what unique viewpoints you bring to the world-your mind’s value.

What lights you up inside so greatly that you can’t ignore it? How are you here to help the world? This is your soul’s value.

How can you use your body as a vehicle to do these things? This is where your body’s value ACTUALLY is.

 
 

Stop Letting the Media In

The media is one ginormous distraction from you living your fullest life.

You already have all of this worth in you, but you're being distracted from it by a powerful outside source.

If you want to take your worth off of your body, you need to stop listening to the media tell you that you are your body.

If you keep letting these messages in, it’s going to be very hard to heal.

YOU are in charge of what you let into your mind.  

Embrace the Practice

The process of viewing yourself as a whole person is a practice.

This deep healing and searching is not easy. But, if you keep practicing, it’s something that you will get better at and will make you feel better in time. 

 
 

If You Can’t Do it For Yourself right now, Do it For Those You Love

When you die, your loved ones aren’t going to say, “Wow, Mom’s fat roll is hanging over her pants an extra inch more than normal.”

No!

They’re going to say, “Wow, look at mom! It’s great to see her! She always knew how to make me laugh.

I miss her.”

Live Your Fullest Life

You have such a full life to live. Don’t let yours pass you by, by living less than your most stellar life.

In the words of Drake, “Everybody dies, but not everybody lives.”

Make the choice to live.

Because you’re worth it. And so is everyone else your life touches.

 

Think Fresh and Live Your Fittest and Fullest Life,

~Ashley Schoborg

 

Thanks for Reading!

If you think this could help someone you know, please share!!!

Why The "Love Your Body" Movement Is Wrong

Telling yourself you love your body is great, but it’s not going to work.

THE PROBLEM

The problem with the “Love Your Body” movement and the fact that we need a movement in the first place, is WOMEN ARE STILL PUTTING THEIR SELF-WORTH ON HOW THEIR BODIES LOOK.

WHY IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK

Telling yourself you love your body, when you don’t believe it, is a Band-Aid.

It’s not getting to the deeper issue-where you’re placing your self-worth. You can’t change how you feel about yourself by putting a Band-Aid on it, reciting it, and praying it becomes true.

It’s like telling yourself, “I don’t like ice cream” to ensure you won’t eat it.

How long will that last?

For a long time I believed this. I wanted sooooo badly for it to be this easy. But it’s a deeper issue that requires deeper digging and thought.

WHAT ARE WE REALLY TRYING TO DO?

This movement’s objective is for women to be happy in their own skin. Which is awesome. Anything that makes women even a little happier is great. And at least we are bringing awareness to this BIG issue.

BUT!!! You could be so much happier if it was REAL and wasn’t done with a Band-Aid. 

So, how do you do it?

THE FIX

SOUL WORK

Take Your Main Focus Off Your Body

The key to being happy in your own skin is to take your main focus off your body.

This doesn’t mean don’t care about how it looks or that you can’t continue to work on your appearance (we will get to this later.) You just don’t want to be putting your self-worth on it.

If you go up a pant size, you shouldn’t feel less worthy as a person. You may not be happy about it, and it may not be what you consider ideal, but it shouldn’t be ruining your life either.

Figure out Your Purpose

So, where do you put your focus?

On figuring out where your worth as a person, as a human being, comes from. Why are you here? What is your purpose in life?

I can assure you, you’re not here to agonize over your body.

You're here for a reason-to help humanity in your own unique way. And when you figure that out, it will light a fire inside of you, and you will realize WORRYING about your body is a complete waste of your precious time.

I PROMISE YOU THIS.

Our superficial society gets in the way of this thinking. It profits from you thinking less of yourself and comparing yourself to other women. When you feel insecure, you buy the products they are selling.

MENTAL WORK

Practice Dealing with Shameful Thoughts and Comments Constructively

Start paying closer attention to that voice in your head that tells you, you aren’t good enough. Don’t listen to it, but pay attention to it so you can deal with it constructively vs. letting it tear you down.  

Remember You Are Not the Only One

Part of dealing with these voices is to remember, you are not the only one who feels this way. You’re not some lonely freak of a women who hates her body.

Remember It’s All Just a Bunch of Made Up Crap

Your feelings and voices of inadequacy are based a bunch of made up crap.

Our culture has you programmed to think that women should look a certain way to be worthy. The beauty/weight loss/fitness industry creates these messages to get you to buy their products. And in the process, have also created a brainwashed culture.

This is why finally loving yourself requires you to step away from the crowd. You have to be willing to think differently than the majority of our culture.

You ARE worthy no matter what the media is trying to sell.

PHYSICAL WORK

Take Care of Your Body Physically

Let’s be real here. Part of feeling good in your own skin comes from becoming fit and taking care of your body physically. Physically caring for, and respecting your body is part of developing a better relationship with yourself as a person.

There is also nothing wrong with wanting to improve your appearance, because it’s important. But, the problem comes from thinking that fit can only look a certain way and then start attaching your self-worth to this imaginary image. This becomes a dangerous rabbit hole (which we will get into in a minute.)

When you take care of yourself physically, do the mental work, and soul work, over time things fall into place.

___________________

Sounds like a lot of work RIGHT?!

Well, going through life not happy with who you are is A LOT more work.

And a lot more painful.

WHY JUST GETTING FITTER ISN’T THE ANSWER (AND MANY TIMES MAKES IT WORSE)

The Fitness and Body Obsession Rabbit Hole

When your self-worth is tied to how you look, fitness can become a dangerous rabbit hole.

When this is the case, enough is NEVER enough.

You can never be lean enough, defined enough, or pretty enough.

There are many women who have what our society calls a “perfect body” and they still hate themselves-because their self-worth is completely tied to how they look.

I used to be on this pursuit of “perfection” wheel. It’s a ride I never want to take again. It’s a never-ending hamster wheel of pain.

WRAP UP

To be happy in your own skin you need to:

  • Take your main focus off your body
  • Figure out your purpose and live from this place (what really matters in your life)
  • Practice dealing with negative thoughts from yourself and others
  • Remember, you are not the only one who feels this way
  • Remind yourself that it’s all a bunch of made up crap
  • Take care of yourself physically

 

If you would like to receive more fresh thoughts for living your fittest and fullest life, click here, go to the bottom of the page, and sign up for Brainy Betties' Fresh Thoughts newsletter!

Think fresh and live your fullest and happiest life,

~Ashley~

If you loved this article and think it could help someone you know, please share!